By Gustavo Borges |
Mexico City (EFE).- For the Argentine philosopher Darío Sztajnszrajber, society should reconsider the concept of loss when a relationship breaks, which is likely if the other is not seen with a sense of ownership.
“You have to rethink the idea of loss in love. Heartbreak only causes me pain, assuming that the other belonged to me. If you disarm that belief, you don’t lose in the sense that I lost what I had,” explained Sztajnszrajber (Buenos Aires, 1968) in an interview with EFE from Mexico City.
These days, the writer and television host also presents in Mexico “Love is impossible”, an essay with eight theses that proposes to deconstruct concepts about love, with philosophical proposals based on human anecdotes.
“I like to do philosophy putting the body. It is a book that speaks from philosophy, but it messes with biographical issues because for me a philosophy that does not start from the most shocking place falls short, ”said the author.
The book, published by Paidós, discusses the impossibility of love for various reasons, among them that all loves are a copy of the first, love is ineffable, it always arrives at the wrong time, it is incalculable and it is always heartbreak.
Based on years of reading, dialogues and experiences, the 376-page work looks at love from different angles, including lack, represented by a theory repeated on postcards and social networks: that of the other half.
“If one is half an orange and goes in search of another half, it is because before it was a whole orange; then there was a previous punishment, a cut. That is why in my book I propose that love always comes after heartbreak ”, she explained.
In the manner of “Hopscotch”, the canonical novel by Julio Cortázar, “Love is Impossible” can be read from the first chapter to the last, or with jumps forwards and backwards. Each section belongs to a thesis on love and can be taken separately, as in the storybooks.
“Whoever is interested in reading that love is impossible because it is incalculable, can read that and leave the other seven theses. The book is clear when demonstrating that love is impossible, starting from determining triggers, heartbreak, mistime, monogamy, first love and the reader is given the freedom to choose, ”he said.
Halfway through writing his book, Sztajnszrajber suffered the death of his parents; it was a blow that altered the creation process. The writer dusted off the human stories kept in his memory and from them he made philosophy.
Darío defends the concept of “I love you, but I don’t need you” in a relationship, although he accepts that it is difficult to put it into practice in a society that markets feelings.
“It would be important if these issues were planned. Afterwards, how to sustain them in daily life is a process”.
Blessed are the kisses that were not given
Sztajnszrajber looks back. He is seen at nine years old at a birthday party in front of a girl named Silvia. It is the first love, innocent, without kisses, that ended up blurred in the fog of the worst deluge: the passage of time.
“If I saw her today, maybe we could have a coffee, no more because the stories are not redeemed in the future. If the love stories of children reach their redemption as adults, that never satisfies us because what motivates and inspires one is what is pending, not what is accomplished ”, she related.
He says it with an idea frequently recreated by poets, who consider blessed are the kisses that were never given because they were protected by the mystery of what could have been.
“It is a bit the logic of desire. When you achieve what you want, that kind of ardor of desire is lost. (What could be) gives a charm because what is proper to love is perhaps the unconsummated. Let’s not forget that loving is going in search of something we don’t know what it is, ”she agreed.